Articles, insights, and stories for mid-life singles
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When a community ties belonging and spiritual safety to sexual compliance, and enforces it through recurring interviews and confession norms, it reliably creates fear-based self-policing. That's not just 'values.' That's behavioral control.
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Repentance itself doesn't break people. But when the prescribed process, the one meant to restore someone, instead convinces them more deeply than before that they are fundamentally unfit for the grace of God and the fellowship of those who follow him, that process is the problem.
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An anonymous Facebook post about dating exhaustion recently turned into a vicious moral purity spiral. What happened in that thread wasn't an anomaly. It was a perfect, real-time demonstration of Worthiness Culture... and data shows is hemorrhaging the church's most devoted members.
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I asked her 'are we over?' after we'd already worked it out. She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. 'When I work it out, I move on.' It was the first time in my life I'd seen what real forgiveness actually looks like.
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It didn't start in your marriage or end with your divorce. You're not bad at relationships. You're running a contract nobody agreed to — and wondering why nobody shows up to pay.
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94% of people who left the LDS church didn't want to leave. They tried for years to stay. If that surprises you, you've been living inside the wrong story — and it's costing you more than you know.
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We are creating our first cohort of midlife singles for our "Second Spring" program. Thoughtful. Serious. Fun. 8 weeks. Midlife singles who are actually doing the work and finding connection. Apply now.
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Why We Can't Choose — The Commitment Series A Practical Guide for the FA, DA, and the People Who Love Them This is Part 2 of a 2-part series. Part 1 covers the three attachment styles underneath FOMO, why the apps make everything worse, and what the research says
Attachment & Healing
Why We Can't Choose — The Commitment Series I want to tell you something that took me an embarrassingly long time to understand about myself. When a relationship started getting real, really real, I would feel a familiar pull. Not toward the door exactly. More like toward the mountains.
Religious Trauma
What if the pressure to remarry quickly after divorce is the same operating system that produced the wrong marriage in the first place?
Religious Trauma
A worthiness interview doesn't ask 'what did you do?' It asks 'are you the kind of person who belongs here?' In this high-stakes system, shame, not guilt, is created, which frequently leads to concealment, not repentance. Performance over authenticity becomes the only rational response.
Dating Skills
How a Facebook Comment War About Prenups Led to the Best Conversation I've Ever Had About Love Stay with me. Claire* (*not her real name) and I had ended things — or tried to. The kind of ending that doesn't quite end, where you've agreed